Why the Heck Not

So, yesterday, I got a call from the insurance company that screwed me over. It went something like this:

Them: Can you send us some paperwork?
Me: Uhhh....no?
Them: Oh...why not?
Me: I don't live in Iowa anymore. (Inside my head: And I hate you.)
Them: Oh, just send us one from that state.
Me: O....kay.
Them: KTHXBYE

So I got the e-mail with their fax number today, and this is what I sent back.

--
Dear Kyle,

After careful review of your claim request for a "Salvage title", we have chosen to deny your claim.

Our claim adjusters have carefully reviewed your case. In this instance, although your policy clearly covers "Getting paperwork", our adjusters have decided that your policy doesn't really matter, in the interests of saving me money, time, and a personal vendetta against the evil corporate empire that you as a minion represent. We can only fulfill your request for paperwork if you:

1) Send me a check for $6,000, which was (about) the total about it cost me to fix my car.

2) Apologize for wasting my time with a handwritten letter from your CEO.

Until one of these two conditions are met, we cannot comply with your request.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask anybody besides me. (Your Magic 8 Ball, your pasty, uninteresting co-workers, your misanthropic cur of a boss, etc.)

Have a nice day. (Are you on crack?)

--

We'll see how this goes.